楚乔传

果然真的是有问题。没有可能是我多心吧。

难道找到认知自己的朋友有那么难吗？我那些知音呢？你们去了哪儿？

I need connections.

Had a bit of a deja vu moment when I was watching Princess Agents and recalling SPM and Empress Ki days. Why can't I just sit down and study. 

WHY CAN'T THEY BE TOGETHER. WHY. 

보 고 싶어요

What's the meaning and value of saying 'Miss You?'

I never thought I'd have withdrawals this bad because I learned how to chop chop my feelings quite well and keep them in place.

I miss every 좋은 아침, 잘 자요?, 같이 가.

I miss every Naver translation moment, every perfect sentence I spoke which was absolutely rare, every ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ, everything really. It still baffles me how patient Munkthuul was with me. I still am beyond touched.

I had the absolute best roommates and Selenge. She's also a Mongolian King Scout!! Seriously considering a trip there right now. Live in a Gr and drink goats milk.

I miss Wan Joon's 'ALRIGHT GUYS' and his absolutely adorable ahjussi laugh (though Kang Min's might actually be more contagious), I miss Girang and Hanna's twinning, I miss sundeh with Youngwook, and bonding over Europe with Youngsun.

I miss excursions with my girls, sitting silently with Opal and just communicating through nudges and smiles and laughs.

I miss the routine, the food, the discovery.

I wish I had more time with my host, I wish I got to go to a supermarket to shop, I wish I had a bigger appetite, I wish things weren't so expensive.

Of course everything isn't sunshiny.

I actually grew a sense of insecurity, which is quite rare for me.

Problems when you're the only one who doesn't know how to use make up.

Typing on an iPad is hard. I'm going to have a little dance party alone because I miss chicken party and wish I drank more alcohol. MORE MORE MORE.

I wish I had more fruit alcohol.

Missing Wan Joon's chopstick maksa mix, and Selenge's excitement over Coke to go with Soju.

미쳤어 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Oh god. I hate withdrawals. I ABSOLUTELY HATE THEM.

나 가, stupid feelings.

Passive Aggressive Me.

Taking an undeserving break from my last minute Buddha leg hugging for finals in a few hours and I just realized how awful some of the people around me actually are.

I've been nothing but nice, but some people have to just climb all over me and step on me until I'm absolutely flat.

YARGH.

Hello.

I was not obliged to be nice to youyouyouyouyouyouyouyou (and the yous go on), but I still was. And ya lah, insult me some more la.

NICE.

Some friends are just A+, while others are just... tong sampah.

welp. stop feeding off of my +ve energy.

Signs

Aside from all the signs that my motivation is decreasing as I approach my first day of double whammy finals that signifies I might once again disappoint myself, there are some important signs that hit me today. Combined with a kind of heat I've never experienced, I had a huge migraine that resulted in a complete waste of a precious day.

Such is life.

心血来潮想写中文。

今天，我对自己有更深一层的了解。我了解到其实我最害怕的事是失去我心爱的人们。偶尔，我和其他人料到有关婆婆时，我会透露其实我会给自己有个心理准备他随时都会离我而去，永不回来。但是，我今天发现到若我失去了时常斗嘴的弟弟或脾气暴躁的爸爸，我会撑不住。若是妈妈，我觉得我会完完全全地崩溃。

我觉得与我同感的人都会想要做个孝顺的孩子，可是这事情真的不简单。因为孩子也是有着个人的性格。父母要的，未必是孩子想要的。我们都有自己的主义。

I wish school taught us how to behave in times of grief. Pendidikan Moral and Pendidikan Sivik taught us all about celebratory customs and festivities, but why is there no guide on how to respond in the face of unfortunate events.

Is it selfish of me to think about my family and I in the face of a friend's grief? I hope not. I hope everyone walked away knowing our lives aren't truly ours. God can call you home when he sees fit.

My headache is growing, but before I leave,

Love deeply. Love genuinely. Love your family.

You could love your s/o that way, but I'd only recommend it if you're married. Then again, what is marriage? What's the value of marriage?

Everything is so absolutely meaningless.

I feel so much anger now it's not real.

Momentum today is Chamonix, with a goat.

Charmini in Chamonix.

Now that's a good sign.

Hey, Jules.

Wowza. Half of 2017 has went by, can't say it was perfect, but it sure wasn't a shabby half-year either. Cumulatively, the past one year has been life changing.

If I'm completely honest with myself, I feel slightly unaccomplished due to the lack of self improvement activities in my life.

ie. campus activities, wandering around KL art galleries, getting rid of stuff at a desired pace etc.

Despite all that, life is alright. (:

One year ago today, I was on a London bound BA flight. I had just experienced nearly missing my flight due to a city wide strike by teachers in Mexico City which caused a major traffic jam. I relied on Google Translate to speak to my taxi driver. I still regret not getting her name or having enough time to tip her, or even giving her a hug. All I did was say 'gracias' over and over again. I also broke down at the airport once I was told I will be getting on the flight.

HAHAHAHA!

What a ride it was.

it's-a mi-a!

I still can't quite fully wrap my head around the idea that I was in London, not once, but twice! Let me revel in all these good memories.

Not afraid to admit that I was tearing up so badly watching all the
planes take off while we waited our turn that my vision became blurry.
wiu.

Sometimes it makes me wonder why I couldn't just learn how to focus on all the good going on in my life. I did go through a pretty crappy situation upon coming home such as extreme jet lag (I don't understand how people recover in less than a week! WHAT IS YOUR SECRET.), having to resit finals, and falling out with a wanker. Not to mention crying at the stupidest London triggers ever omg! Even fish and chips made me shed tears at one point.

Well, I got over my jet lag eventually (but round two wasn't any better, in fact, it might have been worse since I didn't have an obligations to fulfill after round two), I finished my finals albeit sub par results, and I cut that bloody wanker out of my life for good (cheerio, you contradictory, lousy excuse for a human. ugh.). I also learned to live with my longing for London like how people who are depressed are taught to "walk with it like it's your friend".

I might have also took to watching excessive movies and YouTube videos.

Might I recommend 'The Hundred Foot Journey'? Afreen by AR Rahman is by far my favourite track from that movie. I can feel my shins tingling just thinking about that tune. HAHAHA!

Yeah, my life in the past year wasn't as spectacular as when I was in HELP, but it was alright. I lived the sad and quiet life.

AND THEN!

MAS decided to have a year end sale.

London tickets were affordable. THEY WERE AFFORDABLE. T_T

Did I mention I was also extremely lucky because I had ALL THREE SEATS to myself?? MUAHAHAHAHA. It was fabulous. Felt like an absolute queen.

I would like to take a moment to give thanks to the existence of Ryanair for making Europe travels possible for this tiny little bean here. I managed to cover the major cities thanks to their cheap flights! I would also like to give thanks to my chance encounter with a doctor I saw as I was stressed out of my mind planning for the trip (I was stressed about my studies too. No, not really. Ha!) that I had a sore throat for two weeks that refused to heal! That is where I discovered the app that saved and enriched Ky's and my Europe experience. And how can I forget, to the friends and family who made my trip possible, I am indebted to you all. Truly. You guys have blessed me abundantly.

What's the app, you ask?

Stay tuned for posts about my trip, if I ever get to it HAHAHAHA.

I also turned 21.

Yikes.

And I'm about to go on another adventure in about a week's time.

Life really is alright.

Here, you see a CS starring up at the Narnia
lamp post, and in her right hand she holds
chips and gravy, staple drunk food
for Oxford students.

If you told me I was drunk and dreaming for the past year, some part of me might actually believe you. But I know I lived through it. Well, at least this version of me lived through it.

to all the good people in my life, thanks for existing.