Remember the days when you felt every hit of feelings in the world? Remember the days you cried at sadness that wasn't even yours because you internalized things? Remember the days you felt like you were carrying the weight of the world?
I remember them. I remember them vividly, but I think they're fading and fading fast.
This week has been a series of extremes in my life and I realize I'm becoming number and number towards every negative experience I encounter. Is this what resilience feels like? Because I fking love the feeling of not caring about anyone's feelings anymore.
I used to wonder why I encountered some terrible people in life and while I'm not thankful for our brief encounters, I see that it's shaped me as a person.
I used to really believe I was a taufu. Soft and defenseless all the way through.
I used to believe the world needs people who were like me who would always try to look for the good in people.
I used to believe I can change the world.
None of that bullshit resonates with me anymore.
Are you feeling the same way?
No love left for the people in my life no matter how much good they had brought me in the past because in this present moment, their actions do not reflect the past anymore. And I'm ready to do more cutting.
I mourn for the old Charmaine, really I do. I used to strive to maintain relationships and did all I can. But I can't bring myself two toots anymore. Because if you aren't doing it, REPEATEDLY, I'll show you the door.
One more stint and I'm ready to go.
I'm not perfect, but I know effort when I see it.
And I see none.
So, dear empaths, don't feel bad if you feel that sway in your heart. Embrace it. I'm here to tell you it will do you good in the long run. No point in keeping people who don't match their actions to their words.
I'm leaving.
To the unexpected people in my life
The UOW bois and CYW
Thank you for keeping me sane
Thank you for keeping a part of my faith intact.
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